CHANGE
When was the last time something was different than it was before? OH WAIT, a moment ago I was a totally different person. Literally, just exhaled and was less of one thing and more of another. And then immediately inhaled LIFE-AFFIRMING SOMETHING. I take in with my every breath in and give away with each breath out. NORMAL, EVERYDAY. ALL THE DAYS. Or at least until my last day.
Like everyone else, I've had moments in my life where I've invited CHANGE. I've invited things to be greatly, and sometimes gravely different. I've killed one thing off to start another. I was once offered a studio to teach yoga. I was 21 and it would have been my dream space. I wasn't ready. But the offer set in motion a far larger life course. I started asking myself Big Girl questions. I left my home state for the first time soon after. I left a partnership I'd spent two and half years trying to employ. I moved to Chicago. There are no accidents along the path, but there has been afforded a lot of pain. There was no fighting against it. And after all these years, looking back, I still can't believe how easy it was to leave.
If you continue to read through these, my words and silly thoughts, you'll come to learn that one of my favorite QUOTES is
“When you are ready, it will be easy.”
and this has carried me through every major life change. Every. Single. One. That break up where I couldn't sleep or eat. When I made the decision to leave my home country for Asia. When I made the decision to get married. When I made the decision to end my marriage. From the book A Bridge Across Forever, the question came asked was, "What's the last act of a desperate man?" And the answer. CHANGE. The last act of a desperate man is to change. One of my favorite authors in my last teens and early twenties, Richard Bach, seemed to have all the right answers at all the right and momentous points of change. And every change and every turn was exactly that, the right thing at the right time. I've been led down many paths because I've chosen to go. Life happens and when you're ready to deal with it, on it's own terms, it will be easy to deal with it.
In my experience until I'm ready to choose, to move, to go there, to do something..until I'm ready ain't nothing going to happen easily. And while, I'm also the person that believes that the easy stuff is the poop stuff to avoid, I'm also aware that quiet and easy are necessary along the path. In life. And I choose those too. What I don't do as much is beat myself up for making the choice to be lazy, to not commit to everything and everyone all the time or to have it all figured out.
What I'm sure of is CHANGE IS INEVITABLE. CHANGE IS SOMETIMES A CHOICE. AND CHANGE IS NECESSARY. I'd like to change a few things in my life. And I've worked really hard to see them forward. I have a ways yet to go, don't we all, but I'm really happy with how I've managed. I'm alive. Today, right now, I'm healthy. I mean something to someone. A few some ones. I have a roof over my head, thanks to some really important people. And I when I'm ready for more, it will be easy.